Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
