party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
Randomize
