Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
