Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Randomize
