After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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