He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
