He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
