i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
It all started with a game of naked twister.
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
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