If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
I think im going to throw up on grandma
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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