Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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