I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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