I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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