omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Oh god it's open bar.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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