'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
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