what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
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