Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
