dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
My bed smells like the plague
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