Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Randomize
