I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
