if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
