i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
nutella sex= disaster
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
