Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Randomize
