And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
so much tequila, so little girl.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
