omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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