But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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