Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
