At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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