She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
