I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
