I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
