Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
