I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
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