Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
