careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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