we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Couch. On fire.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
