Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
