last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Randomize
