Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
