Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
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