Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
