A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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