Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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