the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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