I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize