I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
you made out with another girl for some wings
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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