what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
