she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
