Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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