Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
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