i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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