Duck Duck Cougar?
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
Randomize
