I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
