oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
