i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
