I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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