my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
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