It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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