last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Randomize
