Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
