nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
