im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
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