I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
