Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
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