Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
