I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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