SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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