I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
