hell yes lets make some ravioli
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
