Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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